Stripping Down the Concerns of Sending Nudes
When Doja Cat released her song “Cybersex” in 2019, no one batted an eye to how the future of intimacy would find itself in that exact situation. With in-person dating or socializing with someone outside of your household forever changed from COVID-19, let alone sexual intercourse or physical intimacy, those who want to develop their sexual relationship with a partner are moving to share photos or videos. Not to mention, since e-sex is a great harm reduction tool to reduce your risk of STIs or pregnancy, let’s talk more about how we can do it safely.
In the U.S., about four in 10 Americans have sent a nude photo at least once in their lives, with more than one-fifth of all young people aged 18-29 having sent a nude in the last 30 days, according to a survey from 2018. And since the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been an uptick in explicit media sharing across social media platforms. For example, Buzzfeed News reports that Reddit’s five most popular subreddits for posting personal nude photos have each seen an increase in posts. Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist and research fellow at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, said the increase in perceived horniness is accurate for more sexually active people as well as decreased sexual activity for those on the other end of the spectrum.
With nude sharing at an all time high, it’s important to discuss the pragmatic aspects of sharing private pictures or videos. Before proceeding with sending nudes, it is important to communicate clearly with your partner about your feelings regarding explicit photos while also investigating and understanding the privacy and cybersecurity concerns associated.
If the relationship is heading in a direction of increased intimacy or sexual tension, be clear to set your expectations for intimacy from the beginning, says Noopur Tiwari, founder of Smashboard, an app that acts as a digital ally for survivors of sexual abuse.
“It’s quite simple to say, ‘I hope it’s OK for you, that I have a no-nudes policy,’ or ‘no (aubergine emoji) pics please,’” Tiwari said.
However, if being direct isn’t easy for you, then Rae McDaniel, a certified sex therapist in Chicago, recommends calling out any scared feelings and being open and honest about your emotions. They suggested structuring the conversation by communicating specific desires and boundaries about safer sex and intimacy, such as the risks you’ve taken and the other person’s comfort level.
Next, it’s important to consider the privacy concerns of sharing explicit content to a partner, especially someone you might not know fully or are still getting to trust. Begin by understanding and being aware of the features of the platform you’re using that allow a user to record conversations, take screenshots or save photographs without your knowledge. Apar Gupta, executive director at the Internet Freedom Foundation, suggests reading about the company that owns the app and finding out if they’re a responsible, ethical vendor or not.
Most apps, like Snapchat, a common nude-sharing platform, allow its users to take screenshots or save media with or without the other party knowing. In fact, data from the previously mentioned survey shows men are nearly twice as likely as women to obtain a nude without permission (23% compared to 12%); therefore, there is a threat and possibility of having your nudes saved without your permission. You should analyze your own threat matrix and reflect on the level of risk you’ll allow, depending on your comfort, recognizing that people in the public eye might be more concerned with private content leaking.
Although Colorado has a Revenge Porn law (CRS 18-7-107) that makes it illegal to “post nude or sexual images of a person without the person’s consent,” it is important to note that 73% of men and 65% of women have reported to keeping nudes after their relationship with a partner ended. Even if someone says they're your number one fan, your OnlyFans is yourself. So, it’s important to protect yourself by sending photos without their faces or identifiable marks, such as tattoos or birthmarks. The saving of nudes without consent represents a larger issue in our communities, but taking precautionary steps like these will protect your privacy until larger, cultural change takes place.
The naked truth is relationships aren’t going to exist on the same timeline as those pre-COVID-19, and now is the time to take them slower to build the connection. Lehmiller notes that research has shown that sharing sexual fantasies or unique experiences with a partner leads to the most sexually satisfied and happiest relationships.